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  • marieanik

HELP: I'm feeling overwhelmed taking care of my parents while my siblings do nothing.

It can be really tough when you're the one carrying all the responsibility for your parents' care, while your siblings seem to be MIA. But remember, you're not alone in feeling this way. Many people in similar situations experience bitterness and resentment towards their siblings. It's important to understand the reasons behind this dynamic and work through those emotions.

One reason might be that you're the oldest in the family and have always been designated as the responsible one. Your siblings might see you as the "all-knowing" and "all-capable" one, without realizing the toll it's taking on you. It's perfectly reasonable to calmly explain to them that your parents need assistance, and that you all should share the burden together.

Before having that conversation, take a moment to reflect on your own behavior. Are you the one who always takes charge and does everything yourself? While it's great that you're proactive, it might unintentionally discourage others from stepping up. Try to create opportunities for your siblings to contribute and learn to let go a bit. There are ways to encourage others to step forward.

Family drama and personal dynamics can create rifts, leaving your siblings with a poor or nonexistent relationship with your parents. But don't hesitate to ask them for assistance, as it can relieve some of the burden on you. They could help with things like providing financial support, assisting with your kids, or even taking care of home maintenance.

Your sibling might always have a convenient excuse for not stepping forward—whether it's money concerns, a hectic work schedule, or health issues. But don't give up asking, even if you anticipate their response. Let them squirm in the discomfort of coming up with an excuse. You don't want them to say, "You never asked for help!" while you silently fume, thinking, "Why should I have to ask?” In a perfect world, your siblings will surprise you and step forward to help.

Now, if your siblings live far away, it's crucial to keep them in the loop and not assume distance lets them off the hook. With today's technology, they can join local Facebook groups in your parents' area and ask for recommendations for care services or resources. They can even be the first point of contact for retirement or nursing homes if necessary. The trick is to make a list of your parents' needs and get creative in sharing the responsibilities.

And don't forget about taking care of yourself too. Dealing with elderly parents can be a real drain, both emotionally and physically. So, make sure to check in with yourself and make time to relax and recharge. You deserve it!

By the way, if you're struggling with difficult family dynamics, I'm here to lend a hand. As an Integral Master Coach and certified end-of-life doula, I can provide you with support and guidance. You don't even need to convince your siblings or parents to work with me. Even if they don't agree, you can still benefit from my services. I offer in-person help to folks in neighboring communities like Carleton Place, Rideau Lakes, Westport, Smith Falls, and Merrickville, and virtual services anywhere. Schedule free consultation to see if I can help you.

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